Heart of the Matter Meme: Father's Day Edition

June 13, 2008

Today's meme over at Heart of the Matter asks for: "your favorite picture of your husband and your kids, or your husband and yourself, or just your husband alone."

I don't know that this is necessarily my favorite picture, but this is the most recent one of Dr. H and the kids during our trip to Yorktown/Williamsburg/Jamestown. Favorite pics might be more along the lines of Dr. H. holding each baby for the first time, pushing Duncan on his bike, reading a book to Laurel, on the beach in Hawaii with Jesse... But I am feeling too lazy to hunt down those photos.

And anyway: this is us, now. This is who we are. And in this picture are just a few great things about Dr. H. as a father that I can see, and probably you can't.
• For one, Dr. H. lets our kids be who they are.
* He likes to take off his shoes and wade in the water.
* He climbs on rocks.
* He doesn't have to talk all the time. He appreciates that some moments are bettered savored in silence.
* He is laid back and relaxed, truly maintaining a policy of flexibility. On this afternoon, for example, we had planned to eat dinner at a beach-front restaurant. But the younger kids couldn't resist the draw of the water, and within 5 minutes they were too soaked for a restaurant. Instead, we ordered pizza back at the hotel.
• He grows with our children. His parenting style evolves with their different ages. He is always willing to adapt as their needs change.
* He values us.

And that, my friends, is a very short list based entirely on the photo above. I could list a hundred other qualities that make Dr. H. such an awesome father, but really, he simply is.

Heart of the Matter Meme: Favorite Homeschooling Moments

May 30, 2008

This week's meme at Heart of the Matter asks us to share our favorite homeschooling moments. I've had a lot of favorite moments that are like snapshots in this journey: reading around the sandbox, nature journaling in the Smokies in late October, reading with a newborn baby on my shoulder during our first year, playing kickball together for PE, oh, I could go on and on with these precious snapshots.

But I can also be more concrete. The moment that reading clicked with both Duncan and Laurel. I'd always inwardly scoffed at those who said, "It's so wonderful to be with your children when they learn to read!" See, Jesse had learned to read at public school, and I didn't feel as if I'd missed out on anything. But when Laurel truly began grasping reading, and then when Duncan did a few years later, I thought: "Now I get it!" And I still get those moments of pure joy when I see her reading and realize that we did that -- together.

One of my favorite moments most recently was getting Jesse's ACT scores in the mail. I have to say that this was a big one for me. We have never had our kids do standardized testing. I've always felt that we could appropriately measure their learning levels ourselves. I felt intuitively that at 15 Jesse was ready to take the ACTs. In order to take dual credit enrollment classes at our local community college (he'll get both high school credit and college credit at the same time), students have to have a composite score of 19 on the ACT. That was really our only goal: that he would score a 19. Well, let's just say that he way, way surpassed that goal.

That was a favorite moment.

But here's the thing: it's not me. God has blessed us so richly in so many ways, and having children with sharp minds is, indeed, a blessing. I don't take that for granted, and we initially felt led to homeschool largely because Jesse was such an eager learner. I saw a glimpse of his future in the public school system when, midway through first grade, he began scribbling on his math sheets out of sheer boredom with the repetition. He was seeing already what it means to "teach to the middle" of the class.

I guess, then, that those favorite moments include (but certainly aren't limited to!) the loveliness of life with our children at home--the prolonging of their childhood and our parenthood--, and those moments when we see educational successes.

Do you have a favorite moment you'd like to share? Click on the Heart of the Matter link above to share your blog post, or just post here in the comments!

Heart of the Matter Meme: Happy Habits of a Homeschooler

April 25, 2008

I must admit this meme perplexes me. How can a habit be happy? Sometimes my grammatical twitches can be smothering.

And so, habits. Good, happy habits.

* Our electronic toys rule: Two hour maximum per child on TV, computer, Playstation. None of that stuff between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m. I actually make a little chart each day for my younger two so they can see how much time they've used and how much they have left. This takes out all the guesswork and put an end to that afternoon and lunchtime "Can I watch TV?" When their time is done, it's done.

* Room cleaning: The kids must all make their beds and pick up 10 things in their rooms each morning. On Saturdays, their rooms must be completely clean in order to receive their allowance.

* Reading aloud: This is such a pivotal part of our life that I forget sometimes that not everyone reads with their children for 2 or more hours each day. I can't imagine life without this. That is what I love so much about Sonlight--it's all about the reading.

* Independent work schedules: For my 5th and 9th graders, this has been a lifesaver in the past 2 years. I write down my daughter's independent work day-by-day for the week, and for my 9th grade son, I write down a list of everything that needs done for the whole week. My 9th grader does everything on his own but of course he needs to know what to do. My 5th grader works partly with me and partly on her own, so when it's time for me to work with my 1st grader, she has her list to go to.

* Craft supplies: I keep a hefty store of craft supplies of all sorts in easy access. I don't hinder their creativity by putting them up on shelves and insisting they come to me when they want to use supplies. We also have an "invention tub" that holds everything from styrofoam packing to pie tins. Paper, glue, markers, crayons--this stuff is always in a state of disarray, but they use it, by themselves, at moments like this when I am, well, blogging instead of starting school like I should be. Which brings me to...

* Flexibility: A very happy habit.

Post A Comment!.....

Comments

Friday, April 25, 2008 - Great ideas!

Posted by Anonymous (69.137.69.151)

Flexibility is definitely a happy habit!

Kysha
http://humblemama.blogspot.com

Permanent Link Edit Delete

Friday, April 25, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Eileen (CoffeeBean) (67.53.76.58)

I love your electronic toys rule and chart. During the long, cold, snowy winter we just had, my 4 year old watched waaaay too much TV. I really try to limit it but it gets away from me. I think I'll do the chart. Thanks for the idea!

Eileen

Permanent Link Edit Delete

Friday, April 25, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Ellen (76.178.246.114)

My daughters would just love it if I put together an "invention tub". I'm glad to know that flexibility is a good habit. That is one that I have thankfully developed over the years.
http://ellenfunlearning.blogspot.com/

Permanent Link Edit Delete

Friday, April 25, 2008 - wonderful habits

Posted by Jennifer in OR (69.88.229.219)

I loved your list, especially the reading aloud and the invention tub!! I have one child - my oldest son - who is an inventor extraordinaire. I need to keep all his stuff in one place, so I'll be implementing this idea for sure.

Permanent Link Edit Delete

Friday, April 25, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Anonymous (74.182.210.7)

As I'm getting more and more into this homeschooling thing, I'm seeing that flexibility will need to become a habit!
I love the reading aloud and the limit on electronics!
Celly B
www.cellybbusyathome.blogspot.com

Permanent Link Edit Delete

Friday, April 25, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Suzanne (68.60.207.96)

Flexibility is definitely a happy habit!

I need to develop some of the disciplinary habits you mention here... in my own life. :)

(Not to sound "juvenile," but thanks for leaving me a comment.)

Permanent Link Edit Delete

Saturday, April 26, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by NannyJayne (72.218.240.104)

Yes - flexibility is key! And I really like your room cleaning ways - nice approach, I'll have to try it!!

Permanent Link Edit Delete

Saturday, April 26, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Margaret (68.42.29.163)

Really like your habits, especially the room cleaning! I don't do so well on that one...

Reading aloud - yes, I forget too that not everyone reads aloud like we do!

Permanent Link Edit Delete

Saturday, April 26, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by lcourtneymom (208.104.165.129)

I love your happy habits list! I'm working on the flexibilty part. Amazingly, the more years I homeschool (and the more kids I've had) I'm getting better at it. :-)

Permanent Link Edit Delete

Sunday, April 27, 2008 - follow up questions

Posted by Anonymous (67.240.142.100)

This is very helpful. Since my three are 6, 4 and almost 2, I am not quite at the delegate independent work stage. However, I do have a couple of questions.
How did you decide allowance amounts? Are they the same amount for all three kids, or do they vary depending on age?
Also, what is the "standard" for the crafty area? Do your kids know to put the stuff away when they're done? I would like to permit more access, but maybe that's just unrealistic with a toddler in the house. (marker on walls, tubs, toilets, rugs, etc.!)

:) Thanks!

Carole
www.thoughts-of-home.blogspot.com

Permanent Link Edit Delete

Sunday, April 27, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by SmallWorld (24.151.178.103)

Carole: My answer to your allowance question was so long that I made a separate post out of it:
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/SmallWorld/523122/

About crafts: I have a couple of different places for crafts. I have a cabinet in the kitchen where we keep a big box of crayons, markers, glue, scissors, and paper. The can get this stuff out anytime--and put it back. We also have an enclosed sunporch which is the official craft room. The reality is, I desperately want this to be cleared of all craft materials so I can make it a sweet little place of quiet retreat. But that's for a different season of my life. For now, they have Rubbermaid-type totes for painting supplies, playdough, markers, glue, etc. and a 6-drawer plastic unit for paper, stamps, old magazines and calendars, and other supplies. A big tub holds the mentioned invention materials. We have two tables set up for them to work on. I must admit here that I am not particularly vigilant about seeing that they put their supplies away. Because the room is closed off, it is often "out of sight, out of mind." As they get older, however, I am becoming better about reminding them that "if you get it out, you put it away."

With the age of your children, I would absolutely designate a place for crafts, which is usually the kitchen table. We didn't allow the kids to have craft supplies in their rooms until they showed an acceptable degree of self-control and common sense. Flexibility in using craft supplies will come as your kids get older.

Permanent Link Edit

Heart of the Matter Meme: What I've Learned from the Kids

April 18, 2008

Today's Heart of the Matter meme asks for The Things Your Child Taught You During Homeschool. Here are just a few:

• My children reflect my moods. (Yes, I said reflect, not affect.) If I am distracted, grumpy, and/or irritable, they will be, too. I should be nice all the time.

• My children are, indeed, wonderfully and fearfully made with his/her own unique personalities and needs, which will determine how they learn best. And I have to be constantly aware that what works for one child will not necessarily work for another.

• My children love me to just be in the room with them. They are thrilled with the simplest of things, like me watching a movie with them or playing a game of kickball.

• Book-learning is a lifelong process. I learn something new every single day, especially in history and geography.

• It’s much more important to show love to my child than to finish the math book.

• If I am nice, my children are nice. Did I say that one already?

• We began homeschooling for two main reasons: to provide our children with a high quality academic education and to enjoy the family flexibility to which we were accustomed (and which the public school discouraged). Nearly nine years later, our list has grown to dozens of reasons. And homeschooling, somewhere in the very early years, became about life. The academic education becomes then, not an entity unto itself, but merely one component of our life—of our constant process of learning together.

• I have forgotten that I ever wondered if I would be making a huge personal sacrifice by homeschooling. I have forgotten that I ever imagined long stretches of days, writing and gardening, while someone else taught my children at school. Why would I have ever wanted to garden without a child next to me, ready to pick a worm out of the dirt or plop a flower into a hole?

What have your children taught you through homeschooling? If you post on your own blog, be sure to leave a link at The Heart of the Matter.

Post A Comment!.....

Comments

Friday, April 18, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Momtofivekids (70.109.138.3)

I enjoyed reading your post. This is the first time I've visited your blog, it looks great!
momtofivekids.blogspot.com

Permanent Link Edit Delete

Friday, April 18, 2008 - Great post

Posted by cricket (70.112.228.106)

Thank you for sharing! I love the reminder that our children just like us being there!
Be blessed!

Permanent Link Edit Delete

Friday, April 18, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Anonymous (74.182.210.7)

I love what you said about academic education not being an entity unto itself but a part of a lifestyle of lifelong learning!

Permanent Link Edit Delete

Friday, April 18, 2008 - Amen!

Posted by Anonymous (69.137.69.151)

"If I'm nice, my dc are nice." So true! Great lessons learned!

Kysha
http://humblemama.blogspot.com

Permanent Link Edit Delete

Friday, April 18, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by sadie423 (69.247.28.184)

My boys definately show my moods. If I am stressed they are too....And I agree I should be nice/happy all the time....then they would be too

Permanent Link Edit Delete

Friday, April 18, 2008 - Homeschooling

Posted by Morning Rose (71.13.147.174)

It's a blessing that our kids want to be around us all the time and enjoy our company. I love that about homeschooling. Thanks for stopping by my blog.

Heart of the Matter Meme: How We Got Started in Homeschooling

April 11, 2008

Today's Meme from Heart of the Matter asks for how we got started in homeschooling. Everybody homeschools for different reasons. There is a stereotype that homeschoolers are religious fanatics or somehow on the fringe of society. Yes, a lot of people do homeschool so that they are free to interweave their values with their children's everyday learning. But there are so many other reasons why people chose to homeschool, and it is almost always a combination of several of these reasons that convict a family to homeschool.

My second oldest brother and his wife homeschooled their girls right from the start. I was a teenager then, and we all thought they were whacky--my parents were really, truly worried. This was a long time ago--over 20 years ago--when homeschooling was a relatively obscure movement. A fringe movement--religious fanatics and hippies. We were certain that my nieces were doomed for failure-- socially and academically. Another brother put his children in public school about the same time, and we all breathed a sigh of relief.

It wasn't until after I graduated from college--and I had certified to teach at the secondary level--and married that I met other homeschooling families. Each family that I met just completely blew me away. Yes, the kids were all well-mannered and well-behaved. But it was more than that--it was their obvious sense of confidence, their high self-esteem, and their social graces that really stuck with me. It was the closeness of the families. Our associate minister and his wife were one of these homeschooling families that God put in our path. When Jesse was about 5, I began talking with our associate minister's wife about homeschooling. She said to me, "I will always be happy to talk to you about homeschooling, but I will never pressure you or try to talk you into it. It is a decision every family has to make on its own." I loved that. I told her that I was really concerned about never having a life of my own. She just kind of smiled at me, and now I understand that smile. That smile means: "These children ARE your life."

We tucked the idea of homeschooling in the back of our minds and sent our son to public school for kindergarten when we lived in Iowa. It was a wonderful experience. It was the kind of school that I grew up in--a neighborhood school just down to block, a crossing guard at the corner that gave out candy, and a day that lasted only 2.5 hours. The kids were there to play and explore, not to pass the TCAP.

Then we moved to Knoxville, and lulled by our experience of kindergarten, sent Jesse on to first grade. Wow. Our lives changed so radically. He left at 7:15 and arrived home at 3 p.m. He had headaches every single day. He fought with his little sister and grumbled at us. He had at least 30 minutes of homework every evening--and this was in first grade! He was in bed every night by 7:30 just so that he could make it through the next day. We felt like our lives were totally dictated by the school system. Around midyear, I could begin to see what his future in school would be like. Already he was bored. He began scribbling on his math sheets. He is an extremely science-minded child, and science was almost completely left out of the classroom. Homework was a struggle every afternoon--not because it was hard, but because it was just busywork. One day when he said to me, as he had before: "Why do I have to do this Mommy" and I explained to him again that some kids needed the extra practice, so everybody has to do it, he said. "But I don't need to extra practice, Mommy! Why do I have to do it?" And I realized--why DOES he have to do it? He was absolutely right! I was convinced then that we had to homeschool. Interestingly, up until that point, Dr. H. had not been at all convinced that homeschooling was a positive option, although we'd tossed the idea around since our son was born. But after just a few months of public school here, he was utterly convicted that this was the right decision. I had less than a year to figure out how to do it, but I was very determined.

I began by doing internet research: hooking up with discussion groups, visiting every possible site on homeschooling, just seeing what was out there. I spent many afternoons with my sister-in-law and another homeschooling mom, talking about various aspects of homeschooling. I read a lot of books, and eventually I decided on what style and curriculum would work best for us. Jesse finished up first grade in Knoxville and then we moved to Blount County and began homeschooling in the fall.

The first year was hard. I was pregnant and I had a toddler. I was physically exhausted! But we fell into what worked best for us, and it was such pure joy to watch my child learn to love learning all over again. We joined our local support group and found an amazing support system. We have NEVER looked back.

Whatever initially leads parents to make this choice, homeschooling nearly always evolves into something far more than an alternative educational choice -- it becomes a lifestyle choice of personal responsibility and freedom and incredible joy within a close family life.

Post A Comment!.....

Comments

Friday, April 11, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Anonymous (12.227.138.78)

"it becomes a lifestyle choice of personal responsibility and freedom and incredible joy within a close family life." So well put! That pretty much says it all right there. Thanks for sharing your story. Julie http://funinthesunmom.blogspot.com

Permanent Link Edit Delete

Friday, April 11, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Anonymous (71.215.183.90)

Yep. Loved that last line, too. I might have to quote you sometime. :) Thanks for sharing your story. I can't imagine my son in Kindergarten or 1st grade. Wouldn't be a good combo...

Heidi @ Mt. Hope

Permanent Link Edit Delete

Friday, April 11, 2008 - Homeschooling

Posted by Morning Rose (71.13.147.174)

Thanks for sharing your story. Our story has some similarities. Our older son was in a traditional school through first grade also, when we decided to homeschool both our boys. I didn't understand why first graders had homework too. What did they do in school all day?

Permanent Link Edit Delete

Saturday, April 12, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Ellen (76.178.246.114)

When we started homeschooling my parents thought that we were wacky, too, and that we might get arrested. They see things differently now that my sister's boys have horror stories about being in school. A few months ago, my sister finally brought her boys home, too. The grandparents are now very happy that all of their grandkids are home educated.
http://ellenfunlearning.blogspot.com/

Permanent Link Edit Delete

Sunday, April 13, 2008 - great story!

Posted by Jennifer in OR (69.88.229.219)

Thanks for sharing this; I can relate to many parts. It's funny how our perceptions change once we're dealing with our own children!

That First Year: What I Wish I'd Known

March 21, 2008

This Friday's meme at The Heart of the Matter asks: what do you wish you'd known your first year of homeschooling?

I haven't read any of the other blog participants' answers yet, but I can guess many of them have the same theme: I wish I'd been more relaxed. That first year was hard in so many ways, as I know it is for many people. We'd just moved to a new house in a new city (translation: I had no friends). I had a new baby mid-year and a 3-year-old plus my second-grader. My life was wonderful; I was thrilled with my little family and thrilled to have them all at home, but I was cranky in that "I'm so tired and I have no friends" kind of way. I should have been more relaxed and just enjoyed them more.

And academically, well, I was very happy with 90% of my curriculum (Sonlight), but I distinctly remember feeling as if I had to do every single thing (even though Sonlight clearly says, "This is just a suggestion! You don't have to do everything in this guide!"). Jesse hated dictation and narration. And math--phew. I'd make the poor boy do every single problem and time him on his Saxon drills, as suggested. I hadn't yet learned that he wouldn't miss out if I didn't do every single thing.

Fortunately, I learned quickly. By year two I found my pace and factored in "flexibility" as our family motto.
Boy, my younger two kids are lucky. I am a squishy relaxed mama now. I can't even fathom giving Duncan, my first-grader, a timed worksheet. My 5th grader likes being timed for math drills, but a 10-year-old who enjoys being timed is a far cry from a 7-year-old who gets a tummy-ache from being timed.

Relax. As the Chinese proverb says: "Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are."

Post A Comment!.....

Comments

Friday, March 21, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Margaret (68.42.29.163)

Great post. I agree with your sentiments!

Permanent Link Edit Delete

Friday, March 21, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Anonymous (205.188.117.19)

I can totally identify with how you feel. I am dealing with similar feelings now after moving and starting to home school. I feel like I never leave the house! I'm working on it though.

Melinda
http://www.shoresend.blogspot.com

Permanent Link Edit Delete

Friday, March 21, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Anonymous (98.218.29.229)

LOL, I ditched the Sonlight teacher's guide a few months into pre-k. I ended up switching to KONOS, which has a hundred times the ideas. Go figure.

Deb
www.AsWeWalk.typepad.com

Permanent Link Edit Delete

Friday, March 21, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by lcourtneymom (208.104.149.27)

I definitely think I should have been more relaxed and just enjoyed my dc being little! People ask me know if I am going to "do real school" with my soon to be 4 yo next year. You know, I'm just going to let her be a little kid as long as she can. She's already learning so much.

Permanent Link Edit Delete

Saturday, March 22, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Anonymous (12.215.135.18)

Yup, as I read through all of the posts, "Relax" is the number one anser!! ; )
It is SO hard to do...but, time does seem to be the antidote.
Thanks for sharing!! : )
Heidi
www.jhcckkm.wordpress.com

10-20-30-40 Meme

November 6, 2007

Memes are a perfect thing to do when one is procrastinating. I saw this one over at Punctuality Rules (yes, I read a blog that is all about grammar) today and thought I should do it. The idea is, I tell you what I was doing 10 years ago, 20 years ago, 30 years ago, and, if applicable, 40 or 50 years ago. Feel free to join in and do this one as well! What better way to amuse oneself?

10 Years Ago (1997, age 31): I was living in Ames, Iowa. Laurel was just past her 2 month mark and Jesse was 4 1/2. Randy was in the fourth year of his PhD, and I was taking a break from my master's degree. I was probably cold, as November in Iowa can bring snow, and missing autumn in Tennessee. But I had two beautiful children and was married to my best friend, and our whole lives were spread out before us.

20 Years Ago (1987, age 21): I was in my senior year of college, and this particular semester was absolutely filled with sorrow, anger, stress, and heartbreak. My high school boyfriend had just died. I had just ended things with the love of my life (I can say that now because he is my husband). My suitemate was a source of constant stress. And, to top it all off, I was doing my student teaching a local high school. That in itself would have been stressful enough, but to add all the emotional burdens on top: I was a basket case.

30 Years Ago (1977, age 11): I was in sixth grade, and we had just moved into our new house. This was a hard time for me. I had lived in a perfect neighborhood (picture sidewalks, big front porches, kids all around, huge yards, free range of the whole neighborhood) all of my (memorable) life. I'd gone to the same school with the same kids since nursery school. And then my parents decide to build a beautiful house right on the lake. How dare they? I had to transfer to a school all the way across town (which is kind of funny for a town of 15,000 but it seemed big then) at the beginning of the year. New friends, new life. (Of course, in a town that size, I knew several of the kids from other places already.) My teacher was Ms. Kuryla. She was not warm and fuzzy.

40 Years Ago (1967, age 21 months): Of course I have no memories at this age. We had lived in Geneva, NY for not quite 4 months, having moved from Carbondale, Illinois. Our family had been deeply rooted in Southern Illinois for generations. My dad was a professor and research scientist for Cornell University's NY State Agriculture Experiment Station in Geneva. My mom took care of us all. My brothers were 17, nearly 14, 10, and 3. I suppose everyone except Stephen (the three-year-old) and I were terribly unhappy at having been uprooted. But we were just awakening.

Post A Comment!.....

Comments

Tuesday, November 6, 2007 - Carbondale, huh?

Posted by Lindsay (24.182.233.140)

I never knew you were a southern Illini.

Permanent Link Edit Delete

Tuesday, November 6, 2007 - Untitled Comment

Posted by skdenfeld (208.100.141.159)

I think all play too...but later. ; )

Permanent Link Edit Delete

Wednesday, November 7, 2007 - Untitled Comment

Posted by skdenfeld (208.100.141.159)

Done.

Permanent Link Edit Delete

Wednesday, November 7, 2007 - Hmmm....

Posted by Blogless Leigh (64.12.116.70)

10 years ago(1997), the kids were 7, 5, and 3- we were living in our first home we bought in the VERY rural area of Ansonia, Ohio-loved our house and yard but we had no friends!
20 years ago(1987), I was 16 and in my junior year of high school! Working at IGA and trying to get over Ricky Laney!( who I did end up marrying)
30 years ago(1977), We had just moved to Ohio from Kentucky, where I was born, started school and was teased horribly for my southern accent! I was best buds with a mennonite girl who lived next door to me and my mother worked at a migrant workers clinic at the end of the streeet where all the migrant workers lived in a neighborhood of shacks-I did not even find this weird for some reason.
I can't go 40 years back YET!!!!

Permanent Link Edit Delete

Wednesday, November 7, 2007 - You you

Posted by anotherblogonthefire (206.132.61.169)

I thought I'd play along with the meme too. I just posted it.