Monday, April 24, 2006

April 24, 2006: Boy Scouting: TOS Article


I really enjoyed the TOS article by Jay from Cleveland on Boy Scouting. Scouts has been an integral part of our homeschooling life. We are so blessed to have our own homeschooling Cub Scout pack and Boy Scout troop. Scouting is woven into the very fiber of our family life. We have met so many of our closest friends through scouting and we continue to foster those friendships. I can't even begin to describe the impact that Scouting has had on our life! Here are a few photos that show the progression of Jesse from the early years of Cub Scouting until now. The second picture shows Jesse crossing over from Cub Scouts to Boy Scouts. The middle photo is of Jesse and his Cubmaster, his Dad. The Troop picture was taken at the March Court of Honor. The hats were donated to our troop by a state trooper.

j cubj crossingdaddytroop442

Last night Troop 442 had its first Eagle Scout Court of Honor. It was just beautiful. I know that every parent in there was imagining the day when our guys are the ones receiving this highest award! It was awesome to see Adam achieving this, remembering him from Jesse's first year in Cub Scouts when he was the Den Chief. Such an amazing success!

(I couldn't blog about Scouting without talking about American Heritage Girls because this is as much a part of our family as Boy Scouts. But I've already blogged extensively about AHG. I do intend to send a note on the Teacher's Lounge to spread the word to homeschoolers about AHG, though!)

Friday, April 21, 2006

Homeschooling Basics: What to do for Kindergarten


You will hear this over and over again in your homeschooling years because it is SOO important: There is NO ONE RIGHT curriculum and there is no one right way to teach! But especially at the kindergarten level, I would say that you really don’t need a curriculum at all. But—you can build your own curriculum with very little investment. (I love Sonlight, and I did buy Sonlight’s kindergarten curriculum. I am a big advocate of Sonlight; however, I would not buy the whole shebang again were I to do it over. )

Here is what I personally would do (and will do next year) for a kindergartener: READ, READ, READ!!! I cannot emphasize enough what tremendous benefits—long term benefits—your child will receive when you read outloud to him. He will be a better speller, better reader, have a better vocabulary, and make better connections when he has been read to consistently and lovingly. And that is just the tip of the iceberg. Find a great reading list. I love Sonlight’s reading list better than any other. Honey for a Child’s Heart by Gladys Hunt is a wonderful book that talks about the importance of reading and gives you lots of suggestions. Please don’t let a day go by without reading aloud to your child, even if he is challenged with auditory processing. You can hardly go wrong by looking at a homeschooling catalog and using the books that publisher sells for kindergarten. Five in a Row has a great selection of books, also. And if your child really likes a book by one author, keep reading more by that author. That leads us into reading skills. You will want to introduce your child to letters. There are dozens of websites that feature easy ABC activities. We spent much of the K year making an alphabet book—just finding pictures to put on an A page, for example. If your child likes workbooks, you can invest in some at Walmart for less than $10 that should probably last you the whole year, or you can just print sheets off the internet. You can easily get a whole year’s ABC, science, geography, art, etc. program from Enchanted Learning , Starfall and from ABC Teach --to name just a very few. Great handwriting sheets are at Donna Young .

Reading: We purchased Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons, used for about $7. We did about 30 lessons in kindergarten and the rest in 1st grade with my daughter. She was just NOT ready for it. I didn’t force it because I didn’t want to spoil her love for learning. I could just tell that she wasn’t emotionally ready for that serious of a program. Other people have used it with their 4 year olds, so again—everyone is different. We picked it up again in first grade, and she did GREAT. I'll use this next year for my next kindergartener.

You can, of course, spend around $100 on a program like Sing, Spell, Read, Write, which lots of folks LOVE. This might be a great choice for a very hands-on learner.

Handwriting: You can buy workbooks or just print off the internet. We have always used A Reason for Writing. It was mostly coloring pictures. Don’t expect too much out of them with handwriting! Developing those fine motor skills comes with age. Playing with playdough, by the way, is a great way for kids to flex and strengthen those fingers. Be sure to have a great store of playdough around.

Math: Again, take math slowly. You don’t want burnout! We did about 1/3 of Saxon 1 in kindergarten. I personally wouldn’t bother with Saxon K, as it is geared more toward preschoolers. There are so many math program out there. There's nothing wrong with buying workbooks at Walmart at this age! Talk to people. If you don't want a text, you can do math everywhere naturally: dividing treats among 4 people; counting ants; adding rocks together; cooking. There will be plenty of time for math skills as they get older. For now, keep it fun. Introduce them to shapes, colors, etc.

Science: Again, reading aloud to your child for science is wonderful. There are loads of wonderful books in the library! If your child is interested in a particular topic, follow that interest! My kids love to be outside, so we’ve done a lot of nature journaling. We will just go outside and study a certain area. We may all draw a certain plant. We keep a birdwatching book on hand and examine any insects that come along while we’re outside. Of course you have the mountains for hiking and examining plants, rocks, etc. You don’t have to do anything formal—just expose them to the world. Gardening is great if you have that option. Get some fish. Let them take apart a broken small appliance like a radio or a coffee maker. Let them make boats out of foil or cardboard and try to float them. I like Usborne’s Science Experiment books tremendously.

ART: Yes! Lots of it! Have plenty of art materials available. You don’t need to have a curriculum for art at this age. Just let them create. My kids love the Usborne art books. They get good ideas from them. We have two big tubs for what we call “inventing supplies”: toilet paper rolls, boxes, coffee cans, Styrofoam; whatever odds and ends you have. Let them explore freely with this, if they enjoy that! Have plenty of paper, markers, glue, paints, etc.

PE: We play something outside every day, weather permitting. Kickball, Frisbee, badminton, etc. Go to the park. Go for a walk. Take a class like gymnastics or soccer or basketball. There are plenty of opportunities.

So that's my quick overview of kindergarten, but I do want to emphasize the two most important points that you can apply to any age: 1) there is no one right way to teach your child nor one right curriculum and 2) READ ALOUD EVERYDAY.

One more thing about learning styles:
Let your child be himself. If he needs to play with Legos while you read or dangle upside down from the couch, it's OK. He is probably listening to you in his own way! Let your son learn the way he learns best! That is one of the joys of homeschooling.

A Few More Tips:
* Just remember not to be a slave to the curriculum. Let it work for you, and if it's not working, try something else. Similarly, if you find something that works—don’t switch it just because someone else is doing something that sounds interesting!
* Little ones can only sit for about 15 minutes at a time. You can scatter your teaching times throughout the day.
* Keep it fun, if they're not having a good day, put it off until later or even the next day.

One final word about kindergarten: the origin of kindergarten lies with the Prussian model of schooling and was instituted to remove children from the influence if their parents at an earlier age. Read John Taylor Gatto’s The Public School Nightmare for more information on this.
Proceed with caution in the early years! The early school years are when a child develops life-long attitudes about learning, so parents must take extreme care not to make learning frustrating. It is at this age that a child also begins developing an attitude about his ability to learn based on his success in school and based on the feedback he gets from the important people in his life.

The very best course of instruction for kindergarten aged children is learning that comes through having Mom and Dad read aloud a large and varied selection of books. AND—be happy and relaxed! If you are happy and enthusiastic, your child will be, too. We all have really bad days, but even on my worst day, when all the kids are bickering and I’m tired and we’ve gotten nothing done and my oldest can’t remember 7 times 8 and my daughter can't remember what a noun is and my preschooler wants a snack ALL DAY LONG—even on those days I never once threaten to send them all to public school.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

April 20, 2006: What If...

Sometimes my kids' "what if" questions are just so hilarious. They are so serious when they say them! So today we went to the doctor to get Duncan's stitches removed. We had to wait quite awhile and passed the time by looking at a reference book of all sorts of rashes and infections. So here's Duncan's "what if" on the way home:
"What would happen if somebody was throwing up and throwing up and throwing up all day, every day, AND had poison ivy, AND had a toe nail pulled off?"

I mean, really...is there any good answer to that?

Saturday, April 15, 2006

April 15, 2006: OK, so I'm in paradise...


I came home from Small Group tonight, and there was a vase exploding with luscious lilacs in the middle of my table. Earlier today, I blogged about missing lilacs, and my friend Leigh and her husband Red-Pen Rick (not to be confused with "Red-Neck Rick" or certainly not with "Pig-Pen Rick") actually risked their lives to find me some lilacs. See, they noticed an abandoned house with huge lilac bushes not far from them, and they drove over to pick this giant bouquet for me. (I say they risked their lives because **STEREOTYPE ALERT***in Tennessee, you never know when someone with a shotgun might be standing on the front porch.)

Seriously, though, this is about the sweetest thing in the whole world! To come home and smell my childhood and know that I have this lovely life....could I be more blessed?

April 15, 2006: Hometown Memories

My friend Amy blogged about missing her hometown this time of year. Got me thinking about what I missed about my hometown, which segued into thinking about what I missed about all the cities I've lived in.

Geneva, New York is my hometown. I miss the historic row houses on Main Street. I miss the ethnic diversity, like the Italian men lingering outside the bocce court downtown. I miss watching the ever-changing colors of Seneca Lake. I miss the lonely farmhouses with their widow's watches on Route 14. I miss the never-changing neighborhoods and the lack of new houses and subdivisions. Sidewalks and big old houses. Beans and greens at Uncle Joe's Pizza place. Authentic Italian food. Cold nights and cool days. Working on the orchard. My parents.

Johnson City, Tennessee--where I went to college and married. I miss a lot about JC. Buffalo Mountain right there. Being nestled in the mountains. Poor Richard's Deli. My best friend. The small world of Milligan College.

Oxford, Ohio--where we lived for 3 years while Randy did his master's at Miami University and where Jesse was born. Hmmm. I can't say I miss much about Oxford, except being able to walk everywhere. And being close to Cincinnati. I'll have to skip the missing on this one!

Ames, Iowa--where we lived for 5 years while Randy and I were in graduate school and where Laurel was born. I miss the city itself. The parks and the sidewalks. I miss being able to walk downtown and to the library. And the abundant lilacs. The city was smothered in lilacs. And our friends.

But it's hard to miss any place when we are living our dream. I look out one window and see dogwoods lining our backyard and the flowerbeds a mass of green ready to explode into colors. I look out another window and see azaleas bursting like saucy debutantes. I look out another window and see the mountains, blue in the early afternoon, and violets sprinkled on our lawn. In Iowa and New York, winter is just leaving. Here the freckles are popping out already and we're breaking out the sleeveless shirts. If I could just find a lilac that thrives in the south, I'd be in paradise.

Friday, April 14, 2006

April 14, 2006: How to Stop a Nose Picker

So Duncan wanders in to the living room picking his nose yesterday. I say for the 122nd time, "Duncan, stop picking your nose. Go get a tissue. Picking your nose is bad manners." Duncan leaves and is quiet for a moment. I say (thinking that he is in his room secretly picking his nose), "Are you getting a tissue?"
"Nope," he replies. A second later he walks in with a golf glove on his hand. "Look, Mama! I can't pick my nose if I'm wearing this glove!"
He's right! He tried it! You really can't pick your nose if you're wearing gloves! So if you see us out and about and Duncan's wearing gloves, don't ask. Just smile and know it's safe to shake his hand.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

April 13, 2006: Rewriting Books

Tia blogged about how she doesn't have a favorite "how-to" book, be it homeschooling or parenting or what-have-you. So of course I got to thinking about what I would say in response to this. Now there are materials FOR homeschooling that I love. But with everything else, I'm a re-writer. Whenever I read a "how-to" book, I want to rewrite it. I want to take the valuable parts of that book (which sometimes might be one sentence!) and combine it with the valuable parts of another book and combine those with yet another book--and then I'd have this really awesome book!

I think about what I do with my own classes. For both essay writing and creative writing, I go through dozens and dozens of books and websites and extract bits and pieces from many of them into 12-14 weeks' worth of lessons. For our Small Group and Sunday School, we do the same thing. We'll go through various books and combine the information into just the format that works for us. Then, of course, I think all of these things are so good that I should publish them! And there is probably someone out there who would read MY book, extract the information, merge it with another text--and start the cycle all over again.

Or isn't that what all "how-to" books are, really? Just a synthesizing of all sorts of information into a (sometimes) cohesive text? A text that works for the author? And being a writer myself, I suppose I naturally want to change that text into my own style. Anyway, all that to say, the Truth is that there's only one perfect "how-to"/"self-help" book--the one Book I don't have an uncontrollable urge to edit...

Monday, April 10, 2006

April 10, 2006: Let’s Call a Truce!


Let’s call a truce! Let’s put out the proverbial white flag. Let’s put an ad in all of our local newspapers:
Attention Public School Teachers!
IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU!

I don’t know about you, but 90% of the negativity I’ve ever received regarding homeschooling comes from public school teachers. The cashier at Wal-mart wishes she would have homeschooled her kids; my kids’ pediatrician thinks that homeschooling is neat and intriguing (although his own kids are in public schools); my best friend, whose kids are in public schools, recognizes that we’ve made different educational choices but it doesn’t change our relationship.

So what’s up with public school teachers? Why are their feathers ruffled? Why do they feel the need to justify themselves?

I had a somewhat unpleasant experience a few months ago. I was asked to speak about homeschooling as an educational alternative to a class of undergraduates majoring in—you guessed it—education. Whew! You should have seen the fur on their backs! It was standing straight on end and I could’ve sworn I saw some sparks flying out. Claws were sharp and extended in territorial defense. “So are you saying that public school teachers aren’t good enough for your kids?”

Hey, teachers: It’s not about you.

A friend and new homeschooling mom told me recently about an email she’d received from a woman in her church. It was one of those chain mail, feel-good kinda emails. The title: “Who are the real heroes of today?” The article that followed was one you’ve probably all seen in some form or fashion, about how America’s true heroes are not the celebrities but the public school teachers. I’m sure many teachers are modern-day heroes; I’m not arguing with that. But what I found disturbing was why this woman, a public school teacher, felt the need to forward this email to my friend, a homeschooling mom, with this “qualifier” at the beginning:
“This was an inspiration to me. Education gets blamed for the downfall of the home. Blame needs to be put at the feet of the many of the parents [sic]we deal with everyday in public education.….”

What’s up with the blame game? Who’s blaming “education” for the “downfall of the home”? And why does this public school teacher feel the need to justify her position to this homeschooling mom?

I don’t know many parents who chose to home educate directly because of a public school teacher. Sure, I know a mom who was disgusted that her son’s 3rd grade teacher told the class that there were 52 states in the U.S.—but that was probably just a slip of the tongue. No one takes that isolated incident and concludes that all public school teachers are unqualified to teach. I wasn’t thrilled that our son’s 1st grade teacher chose to come back to teach when her baby was 4 months old—even though her husband preferred that she take a year’s maternity leave—because she didn’t want to lose her schoolroom. But we didn’t opt out of the public school system because of her.

Our support group is loaded with parents who are former public school teachers. We even have a few dads who are public school teachers. I’ll bet these moms were fantastic public school teachers. I went through the education program at college and certified to teach at the secondary level. We’re immersed in the concept of public schools. Teachers historically have a place of respect in our society.

Let me say right here that I think our country is filled with some amazing teachers, whether it be in the public, private, or homeschool arena. And our country is also full of some pretty lousy teachers in all three categories, as well. I’m sure there are some homeschool parents out there who think there are 52 states in the U.S. But my decision to home educate has, well, nothing to do with anyone else.

What if I had a friend who worked at a bank, and I decided to do my business with a different bank because that worked better for my family. Would she stop speaking to me? Or what if a church member owned a grocery store, but I decided to shop at a store that had more flexible hours. Would he stop me on the stairwell and ask, “Do you really think it’s best that you shop at that other store?”

I know, I know: our kids aren’t deposits in banks or vegetables (well, most of the time). But the choice is still what works best for my family. My intentions are not to offend. My decisions have absolutely nothing to do with the public school teachers I know. I’m waving that white flag. What else can we do?

April 10, 2006: Poems for Leigh


Haiku

Reading all our blogs
Still lurking in the sidelines
Your blog's time has come.

Limerick

There once was a lady named Leigh
Who just liked to read and see
What was happening with Sheila,
Sarah, Amy and Tia.
She claims she'll blog eventually.

Cinquain

Leigh
Funny, sweet
Giggling, laughing, listening, chatting
Spreading her sweetness everywhere
Lurker.

Couplet

Will peer pressure work for our friend Leigh?
For her blog, we'll wait and see.

Saturday, April 8, 2006

April 8, 2006: Where We Do School

sawing

Where do we do school? Everywhere. We're missing a photo of our most popular place, however: the dining room table. And no photos of the "official" school room. We haven't been up there more than a half dozen times this year!

tree mathreadingknittingfall05

Learning happens everywhere and with a variety of people: in a tree, on a bench, in the mountains, in the van, in front of the computer, immersed in a book, even at a desk....surrounded by people or in solitary moments. Those sponges that are our children are soaking it all in for all it's worth.

Wednesday, April 5, 2006

April 5, 2006: Fresh Cut Grass and a Good-bye

My snowbird parents have flown the coop. They left this morning to head back north to upstate New York. This day is always bittersweet for me. I miss them so much when they go; our family just seems empty for a week or so until we adjust to our "other" life. Two less places at the dinner table. The leaves and dirt pile up by the back door (my mother makes it her personal project to keep the driveway and backdoor swept). The debris of life-with-kids starts piling up in the backyard--buckets, large pieces of wood, cast-off objects that Jesse collects from other people's trash piles. These are the kinds of things my mother tends to. She likes our yard neat and orderly, as do I. I am thankful that it looks this way for half the year!! The rest of the time, the yard seems to be endlessly full of junk. And my supply of stamps and envelopes, which my father shares with me, will soon disappear. I'll have to actually go to the post office for the first time since November. No more running off to Walmart for a quick errand while I leave the kids with mom and dad. And Duncan can't run over to Oma's to play Rescue Heroes or grab a snack. No more of Dad's memoirs told around the supper table at night.

But here is where I know I am blessed: next year, barring any surprises, my parents will come back again. Next November we'll wait for that green car to pull in the driveway and the kids will all run to hug their grandparents. How sad can I feel when I know I have this to look forward to? This year my best friend's mother died, and hospice has recently been called in for her father. Before this year is out, she'll have lost both her parents. Already, she says, she feels her family drifting apart with their mother gone. Already she and her siblings have separated, retreating to their own homes and sliding away from each other.

I want to share these last years with my parents with relish. I am dropping things next year so that my life isn't so crowded that I can't enjoy a Saturday night game of cards with my parents or a short shopping trip with my mom. I want to soak in Dad's stories and get them down on paper. Next year they'll both be in their 80s, and every year I see them age a little more. I want to embrace every moment I have with them.

Randy cut the grass for the first time this afternoon. I'm glad he waited until Mom and Dad left. Mom loves the lawn carpeted in spring violets and tiny buttercups. But her jasmine blooms on. I love those little living touches they leave behind.

Monday, April 3, 2006

April 3, 2006: Inheritance

Inheritance

We came into it all
without breaking of glass, or lifting
of veil, or a grandmother’s cameo
ring. No family heirlooms

in our first rented house; instead
we depended on thrift store endtables,
a lamp, a couch. We wished

for chipped dishes that told
a great-aunt’s rich history
of struggle and survival.
We were lonely

without a background, without cabbage
or latkes or black-eyed peas.
We ease into it

year by year. I learn to quilt,
meticulously stitching
my initials in a corner; he builds a cradle,
a stool, a wooden horse. We resurrect

dead relatives through our children,
naming them John and Alice and Henry,
and record each birth in a fat
white Bible. They are the first

to grace its tissue-thin pages,
though my handwriting lacks
the necessary elegance, the gentle curves
of a practiced pen.
The house we choose
is old: we strip, paint, varnish,
smooth, and fill its rooms

with other people’s antiques. Tiny white
christening gowns and newspaper
clippings sleep in the cedar
chest at the foot of our bed. We bring

in the new year with cranberry punch
and oyster stew. In my tin-plated kitchen
I bake bread, kneading dough
with floured fingers, releasing
yeast quietly as air
between every crevice
of the house, filling the children
with its heavy scent.

(By Sarah Cummins Small. Received award in Knoxville Writer's Guild Robert Burns Poetry Prize, 2002.)

April 3, 2006: A Pot of Red Lentils


Randy says this sounds like one of my poems. He's right. It could fit right in with my poem "Inheritance." I wish I'd written this first!

*******

A Pot of Red Lentils

simmers on the kitchen stove.
All afternoon dense kernels
surrender to the fertile
juices, their tender bellies
swelling with delight.

In the yard we plant
rhubarb, cauliflower, and artichokes,
cupping wet earth over tubers,
our labor the germ
of later sustenance and renewal.

Across the field the sound of a baby crying
as we carry in the last carrots,
whorls of butter lettuce,
a basket of red potatoes.

I want to remember us this way—
late September sun streaming through
the window, bread loaves and golden
bunches of grapes on the table,
spoonfuls of hot soup rising
to our lips, filling us
with what endures.

Reprinted from "Saying the World," 2003, by permission of Copper Canyon Press. Copyright © 2003 by Peter Pereira. This weekly column is supported by The Poetry Foundation, The Library of Congress, and the Department of English at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln.

Saturday, April 1, 2006

April 1, 2006: Why do we gossip?

The grapevine has been running amok in our support group this week. The past few days we've been bombarded with gossip masked as well-meaning, heartfelt concern. Even minutes after begging our members to stop gossiping and go to the source, I received an email from another parent in response—with a bit of gossip that she thought I needed to hear. Of course, when I went to the source, I discovered that there was no truth behind this latest rumor. No one wants to admit to being a gossip. We’d rather say “I have a concern…” or “This lady need our prayers and here’s why…”

I am not immune to gossip, I admit. As a teenager, I was a terrible gossip. I would pass on any information freely. I know my motivation then: knowledge is power. Knowledge gives you an edge-up on everyone else. I’m sure I never put the “well meaning” mask on gossip back then. Those were hard, back-biting years. Years when you don’t really know who is your friend, or why someone is mad at you. We were all tangled in a giant grapevine of rumor and innuendo. Even now, 20 years later, I had a high school friend ask me, “So, were you sneaking around with my boyfriend in high school?” I wasn’t, but I was well aware of that particular rumor way back then. The rumors were so rampant that it was pointless to even defend oneself.

I do remember one secret I kept particularly well, though. In fact, I was always good about knowing what was truly private information. I knew that my boyfriend’s brother was gay, for example, but never told my boyfriend. As fond of gossip as I was, I knew intuitively that this was something the brother needed to disclose on his own time, in his own way. Fast forward four years later, when my former boyfriend says to me, “Did you know my brother came out of the closet?” When I told him that I had known it for years, he actually did not believe me—because he knew I was terrible at keeping secrets. Ouch! He couldn’t fathom that I could actually have sat on this juicy bit of information for so many years.

That made a difference to me. One, I didn't like that my reputation was of being a gossip. And second, the pleasure in having made a good choice—keeping private information private—really impacted me. I’m not saying I cleaned up my act totally by age 22 and have gone on to a gossip-free life. My friends who are reading this will know that to be true. But I am working on it. I have learned more what it really means to act like a Christian from my husband, who has amazing control over his speech. If I was Teen Queen of Gossip, he is the Professor of We Don’t Know the Other Side of the Story. He keeps me on track because he’s just so darn good and kind and compassionate.

So why do we gossip? Why do we feel this irresistible urge to not only pass on information, but to solicit it? Here’s what one writer has to say: “From coffee gatherings, cocktail parties, conferences, seminars, meetings, family and school reunions we enjoy the guilty pleasures of talking about other people. … [Gossip] helps us establish, develop and maintain relationships, cement social ties and bond with other members of our social circles. Evolutionary scientists theorize that without the traditional gossip network, society would crumble.” From Lubna Abdel Aziz

Society would crumble without gossip? That’s crazy. Gossip helps us maintain relationships? Boy! No wonder we get away with so much gossiping, when the world condones it as beneficial. No wonder we often feel so mixed up, even when we know what the Truth says. When we know that dissension is ranked right up there with orgies. The book of Proverbs calls gossip “choice morsels.” Isaiah says that we need to look at fasting in a different kind of way: “The kind of fasting the Lord has chosen—to do away with the yoke of oppression…to do away with the pointing finger and malicious talk…not doing as you please or speaking idle words…” (Isaiah 58:6-14). James has a lot to say about our toxic tongues and this is what Paul says about sinners: “Being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, malice; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful” (Romans 1:29,30).

So why do we tear each other down with gossip? Is the basis of gossip just that it somehow makes us feel so much better about ourselves? Or is information power? Does it raise our place among our peers to have “choice morsels” of information? Do we feel more important when we can convey a tiny secret?

I received an email tonight from a member who says she is quitting because she recently “heard” something that makes her fear for her children. I’m sorry she heard this. I don’t know exactly what she heard, or how much of the story she heard. And I can’t tell her the real story because we maintain confidentiality in our leadership—unless we believe something (or someone) to be harmful to our members. And, well, because it’s someone else’s story to tell. I suppose it would be too much to ask that this woman go to the person in question and ask for the truth.

But that’s exactly what we are called to do: “And if your brother sins, go and reprove him in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother” (Matthew 18:15). Why don’t we just go to people instead of speculating? I am certainly including myself in this. I dislike confrontation as much as the next person. But I’m learning that going to the source sure does eliminate most of the issue.

Of course, we may just be the receiver of gossip—and in this case we need to learn NOT to listen. “He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, therefore do not associate with a gossip” (Proverbs 20:19). One of my friends told me yesterday that nobody ever tells her anything, because she stopped listening. I want to be like those 3 monkeys: See no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil. Perhaps we all need to visualize that every time we’re tempted to gossip!

The more I walk with the Lord, the more I want to please him. Peter said, “Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). The worst thing about gossip is that it is totally unloving. Before we open our mouths it might be good to ask, “Will this in any way benefit the person I am about to mention? Is it loving? Why exactly am I passing on this information?” If not, it would be better to leave it unsaid.