It is true that there is absolutely nothing in the world I wanted to be, ever, more than being a mom. I marvel sometimes at how I can be a mom now to two teenagers and one wanna-be teen. You know that feeling that somewhere out there, you still exist as a 14-year-old, 18-year-old, 25-year-old? I have that a lot.
This is motherhood right now. My oldest, 19, has been home from college for almost two weeks. He is stretched out on the loveseat, with his legs dangling over the sides. He is 6' 1", dressed in hiking boots, army green pants, and a white t-shirt. His hair is in ringlets as always, and a cup of Starbucks is next to him. He is reading Thomas Pynchon's Gravity's Rainbow, which he is forcing himself to get through, as he almost did with Moby Dick and Ulysses.
My daughter is in her bedroom with her best friend. They are 14. They laugh a lot and they are very, very beautiful. Every now and then they emerge from her room, bursting out and running, laughing. Just now my daughter's friend has smeared shaving cream on my Laurel's face, and they have chased each other outside. It is good be to be a giggling 14-year-old girl. I know. I once was one.
My youngest is at a birthday party. I noticewhen he is gone, always. There is an empty place here without him. He is the one who is frequently at loose ends, being 11. He is growing out of the season of toys and so is often at a loss as to what to do. He would love to watch TV or play the Wii all day long, but we have these tedious restrictions for such things. Instead, he wanders about outside, climbing trees or exploring the yard. He is the one who always finds the new flower or a bird's nest. He'll report on the amount of sawdust the carpenter bees have left or a pile of mushrooms in the front yard.
Outside the birds are singing and a cool breeze comes through the open windows. I am surrounded by the sweetest dog ever and two cats, one old and one new. My time of quiet is over. My oldest gets up and announces he is 500 pages into the book, then he heads off to Starbucks again to meet a friend. I have to slip on my flip-flops, take my daughter's friend home and pick up Duncan from the party. Being a mom is so very, very good.
Happy Mother's Day!