So every now and then my 17-year-old and I will have some kind of discussion that goes something like this:
Me: So why didn't you tell me about…
Him: I did tell you! You were standing right there when we were talking about it!
Me: Um, but I wasn't really listening to you.
Or
Me: Wait, you did what?
Him: But you knew we were! I told you in the kitchen, remember? You were right there!
Me: Um, just because I was standing there and looking at you, that doesn't mean I was really absorbing what you were saying.
Yes. That is a problem. He thinks I am listening to every conversation that he and his friends have; the reality is that I have the ability to completely tune them out.
And here is why. Because he used to be a nine-year-old boy who had conversations like his brother had with a friend on the way home from camp today:
N: I'm bored. Bored bored bored bored bored.
D: Me too. We're bored, we're bored.
[Both begin singing in falsetto.}
D: I farted with my eye.
N: I farted with my eyebrow.
D: I farted with my ear.
N: I farted with my bottom, which is where you really fart.
D: I farted from my belly button.
N: I'm the super fart! I'm the super hero of farts!
[This line of talk continued for 5 minutes. I timed it, and then I tuned out. When I tuned back in, I heard…]
D: My fingers are a super Ninja.
N: Hey! I invented that! I invented the finger thing!
D: Yeah, so he doing splits now and he is like [arp…chchchch…arp]
N: Yeah, and then he is like [whaHEE--arp--ch-ch-arp]
D: Yeah, and then his head was like split open on the floor…
N: Yeah, and like his legs just like fell off…
D: Yeah, and then he was like [ARP--CH CH CH]
[And so this scene continued until we were back to…]
N: Let's slap fight.
D: Yeah [slap slap slap]
N: yeah
D: Yeah!
Is it really any wonder that I am trained to tune out conversations between boys? I mean, really, "I am super fart?" and "I can fart out my eyeballs?"
Please don't judge me for not listening. You drove me to it.
HAHAHHAHA! If it makes you feel any better my oldest DAUGHTER just discovered the I-Can-Fart-With-My-Armpit thing a couple of days ago and thinks she is pretty cool too. I'm on the hunt for whoever taught her that and she is not saying.
ReplyDeletephew! So glad some other little boy wasn't in the car to join in!
ReplyDeleteThat is so funny. I have a similar conversation with my almost-12 year old all the time. We've gone from the fart conversations to those about who is going to be where, when, and with whom!
ReplyDeleteNice to know I'm not the only one who does this...for the SAME reason! ;-)
ReplyDeleteOh. My. Goodness! Too funny! I'm so with you...although I am still at the 9yo phase. I guess I need to start practicing tuning in so I will know what's going on 5 years from now, huh?
ReplyDeleteToo funny!!! Kevin would be so sad to know he was not part of that conversation.... Mr Puckett!
ReplyDeletewhat i want to know is - did you yell at him(mine is 15) because he did something, then he swears he told you and you continued to argue with him because you had NEVER, EVER in your life heard about this foolishness from his mouth??? Then later you wake up in the middle of the night going 'oh yeah - i remember that conversation'??
ReplyDeleteK--yes, the armpit one was said many times!
ReplyDeleteKathleen--it's probably better to spend the next 5 years in oblivion!
Tina--haha! Mr Puckett!
Julie--unfortunately I rarely remember "that" conversation, but sometimes I have this little nagging feeling that he's really right…
That is the funniest thing I have read in a long time! And it is SOOOO TRUE!
ReplyDeleteWow - I thought it was only my two boys who managed to have such amazing conversations punctuated with lots and lots of sound effects. I guess not - your post made me laugh and laugh!
ReplyDeleteSamantha
I LOVE it that someone else's sons do this. It makes me feel normal in some strange way! :<) I need your trick for tuning it out though. Me and my oldest daughter cannot seem to tune out the boys.
ReplyDelete